You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
