Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
