I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
