so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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