I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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