Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
