I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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