Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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