Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
