I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
