You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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