I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
