I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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