I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
