so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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