uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
