just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My ATM looks so different sober.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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