found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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