Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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