she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
