i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
