Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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