An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
the raccoons are back...
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