Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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