You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
