toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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