Pappa wants mamma naked
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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