Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
