to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
