umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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