i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The air taste purple.
Randomize
