Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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