I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
