when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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