just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
