you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
