apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize