kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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