i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
