after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
