i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
