Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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