We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
