yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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