i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
