Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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