He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
