she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
