There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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