There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
