He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
