We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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