You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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