Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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