You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
