I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
