Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
