do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
