the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize