Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
