It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
