something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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