everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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