Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
