Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think my vagina is haunted
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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