I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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