They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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