with your own penis?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
