He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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