You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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