He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
