Where did you get a picture of my penis
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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