Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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